I look back on my life and I see stupidity etched in every turn and recklessness dashed along the walls. I see pain, tears, and fear stitched into the infrastructure of it all while happiness, love, and laughter blanket the exterior. 

I see poor decisions mingling with the best decisions of my life. The unhappiness of the years blending with the minute instances of euphoria. The friendships that crumbled beneath my touch, and the lasting ones that bloomed as the months passed. 

A constant blur of strangers bustling past and the silent craving to melt into the crowd and disappear. 

The loud, obnoxious need to be loved, cherished, and satisfied constantly pounding on my door. Knocking until I can’t take it anymore. 

Flinging open the door, stepping outside, and knowing that I need to do something to redirect my life. So that that need, won’t just be a need anymore. 

Memories,
Replaying behind closed eyelids,
Slow, then faster, and faster,
Until it’s an indistinguishable blur.

Happiness, sadness,
Laughter and tears,
Memories all the same,
Linking together to tell
our story.

You were in my yesterday,
Played a role in my today,
But who will you be, in my tomorrow?

Fingers touching,
Lips brushing,
Our hearts beat,
beat, beating.

I’m reminded of 
why I love you.  

Being with you is like
stepping into the unknown.
I don’t know which foot to put first,
which direction to turn,
what walls I might run into,
or how far I might fall.

Being with you is like
facing all of my worst fears
and all of my happiest dreams,
but not understanding the
reality of it all.

Being with you is like
drowning and losing air,
but appreciating life
so much more at the surface.

Lights dimmed, curtains drawn,
Eyes closed, mind running,
Oblivious to the world.

Drawing pretty pictures,
Making up impossible scenarios,
Daydreaming the day away.

Replaying memories,
Editing out the bad moments - 
What I should have said,
          Would have said,
                   Could have said.

A smile full of happiness,
Hiding a mind full of remorse.

School assignment.

On the battle field, hearts are racing, waning, and coming to a stop,
Bodies hit the ground all around you, and slowly lives are extinguished,
A father is on his knees, tears rolling down his cheeks, cradling his wife
and his unborn daughter.

This man’s people are dying, one by one,
His hopes are being crushed, one after another,
He is losing everything that is important to him, day after day,
and he hates the foreigners more and more.

He stands and defends his people,
but the white men with the fancy guns are relentless.
He stands and fights for freedom,
but the white men say he fights against it.
He stands and fights,
but the white men shove him down again and again.

There is an explosion of blinding light,
and then suddenly the world turns black as all the stars
slowly wink out in his sky.
There are no twinkles of light, no signs of hope,
as his pulse slows and disappears.

He lays on the floor dead, bleeding, and dying,
because he fought for what once was his.
They step on him still, with no regard to the fact that
a man’s life has just been robbed from him,
as they continue on with their war.

All around them, men are falling,
The innocent are dying,
The lost are crying,
but really, no one knows why they are fighting.

They just are. 

It’s a clean room,
spotless, pristine,
free of clutter and confusion.

But even clean rooms have dusty corners,
where things hide away in the dark.

Secrets hiding behind the doors,
fears hiding in the closet.

And in the cluttered rooms,
we find the most amazing things,
hidden beneath layer after layer
of our lives.  

Heart beat.

The sound of our blood pumping,
our heartbeats, are taken for granted.
We don’t realize their importance,
until they’re taken away.

We take these fragile things we call hearts,
and twist them until they’re unrecognizable.  
We take advantage of time
that we don’t really even have. 

Lost moments, empty days,
littering this wasteland that is our past. 
We never took a moment to stop
and appreciate our time together. 

My heart beats, pumping, struggling,
to keep my body alive,
but what sustains my soul?

My pulse beats faster,
and my heart feels heavier as I approach your bed.
Your heart beats slower,
until it reaches a standstill.

I still feel your warmth
when I touch your hand.

Your heart stopped beating,
your body is no longer alive,
but does your soul still live on
in my mind?  

Your heart is heavy,
But your smile is still in place, 
You look up and see,
A blue sky that stretches on forever,
Full of possibilities.

You’ve been let down, hurt,
but you always forgive, 
and rarely forget.
Now you’re looking for a second chance,
To start trusting again.

The future is coming,
Fast and you’re unprepared,
But don’t be afraid,
Have faith, keep looking forward
and tackle everything head-on.

Minutes lost.

The seconds hand makes another full round,
And I realize that I’ve wasted another minute,
A precious moment wasted,
So many seconds lost.

Where do all the lost minutes,
Go to wait to be found?
Do they float listlessly in the air,
Waiting and hoping,
Uselessly, to be reclaimed?  

Do they realize that,
Time lost, is never found?
That they’re lost forever.

Another minute’s passed,
Perhaps I’ve wasted a moment of your time,
Or perhaps a moment of mine.  

Once Upon A Time

I remember once upon a time,
You wrote me a poem and told me a story,
All about your hopes and aspirations.

I remember, once upon a time,
You wanted to achieve the most amazing things,
And become the happiest person.

I remember, once upon a time,
You were a strong, capable person,
Always smiling, always laughing,
You never gave up.

But, once upon a time,
Things changed, you changed.
I think you lost your way,

Now, when I think “once upon a time”,
I think of the person I’ve lost,
I think of the memories I miss.
I think of all of the things we were supposed to do,
Supposed to accomplish together.

But those are all “once upon a time”,
And our time has passed.